one day it'll all make sense.


Yesterday was not one of my best.  The lack of sleep I’ve been getting over the last 10 nights was really starting to wear me down.  As per usual since starting this round of treatment, I was WIDE awake at 4 am.  Wide awake, staring at my bedroom ceiling in the dark while my mind was racing 1000 miles a minute thinking of all the things I could be doing.  I’ve learned that I can’t will myself back to sleep, so I got up.  By the time I had to leave home to drive to work, I was crashing already!  Literally had to smack myself on the way to keep my eyes open.  Just to make matters more complicated, yesterday was a gift certificate event at my store which left me standing out in the cold controlling traffic for the first hour of my shift.  And I don’t do cold.  :-p  Although I was really not feeling well, I toughed it out until 4:00, when I finally had to go home.  I was tired, anxious and annoyed easily.  Really didn’t want to snap on one of my staff, or a customer!

Anyways… that was just a little back info on where this part I’m about to share began.  While my drive to and from work every day is a long one, it’s also a time I use to think.  This can be dangerous at times, and some of my oh-so-brilliant ideas I would never share with anyone, but it can also be great.  Yesterday, during a time when my mind was over whelmed by everything it has been going through trying to maintain my composure through a tough run, I took the time to reflect.  When I was growing up, going through the typical challenges of being a teenage girl, my solid ground and best friend was my horse.  Fritz was a horse like no other for me.  We understood each other.  While he would jump the moon for me if I asked him to, he would also remind me he had expectations too.  He taught me patience, confidence and a good work ethic.  He was a very talented beast with a huge heart, but he wasn’t against refusing a jump or breaking stride if I wasn’t giving him the respect he deserved.  When my days with Fritz came to an end, it didn’t take me long to realize the special partnership we had formed was not one that I would easily recreate.  To this day, I have never found another Fritz, and am not sure I ever will.

While I had a very successful competition record with Fritz, it was the small things I will never forget.  While going through my moment of self pity yesterday on my drive home, I longed for just one of the long summer afternoons where I would head out to visit Fritz in the pasture.  I thought of climbing up to drape myself across his warm back while he grazed.  Burying my face in his soft coat, and soaking in a bit of his strength and calmness.  While my life has changed drastically since those long childhood days surrounded by horses, the memories are something I will always hold close for the times when I need them the most.  One day I may have the chance to involve those special animals in my life again…


Comments on: "reflection" (1)

  1. Aww…though I remember Prince better I know all to well the feelings you miss.
    Our lives are touched by these guys in only a way horse people know.
    Much love.
    It’ll happen for us both again. I keep the faith, you’ll have to hold it if I ever drop off.

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