one day it'll all make sense.

treading water

Funny thing is – growing up I always felt the pressure from home, from peers, from society, to be skinny.  I was pretty big into horses, and all the other horse girls were tiny.  When it came to competitions, the skinny girls won.  After an emotional rollercoaster through my early 20’s, I lost focus on striving to be thin and fit and puffed up to 170lbs.  At 5’3″, that’s pretty beefy… I could barely fit into the largest size of women’s jeans without shopping on the plus-size rack.  It sucked, but I got back in the game.  In 2007, I made a commitment to myself to never let things get so out of control again.  I worked hard at improving my diet and keeping physically active, and managed to shrink myself down to around 145lbs.  A 25lb weight loss, but the old mentality that was so etched in my brain to be “skinny” was still not satisfied.  In 2010, Ange and I decided to not go away for our usual February Caribbean vacation.  So… I decided to spend my year-end bonus on myself instead and hired a personal trainer.  I loved the challenge!  The workouts were great, and she also helped me to better understand the importance of food and nutrition if I was looking to lose some more weight.  After 6 months with my PT, I managed to shed another 25lbs!  This experience was one of the best I have ever experienced.  While the weight loss no doubt helped with my renewed confidence, the time spent in the gym sweating my butt off and achieving goals I never would have imagined possible, helped me to further find myself.  If personal trainers weren’t so stupid-expensive, I never would have given it up!  But, after 6 months of help, I guess it was time for me to learn to manage on my own.  If you ever have the opportunity to spend a few months working with a trainer, I highly recommend it!

So, 2 years later, I’m still a gym nut.  Still hugely passionate about fitness and nutrition.  I’ve been following the Paleo lifestyle for 2 1/2 months and feel great.  Although my intention with this lifestyle was to hopefully help improve some of the symptoms I experience as a result of MS, it has also caused another weight loss.  I’m now a firm, muscled, 118lbs, which again should make me happy.  However, for whatever reason, I’ve found myself in some sort of slump.  Ever get the feeling you just can’t win?  After almost 30 years of going through life being told I needed to lose weight, my step-mom told me last weekend that I’m too skinny.  Sometimes it really just feels like no matter what you do, it’s never good enough…  Doesn’t really help that I’ve been fighting through an injury either.  Since the Henry’s show, which was 2 weeks ago now, I’ve had so much pain in my hip that I haven’t been able to run.  That hurts my heart 😦  Also means, no hockey.  I was a bit of a train wreck in my head for a week and a half.  Hence no posts.

OK.  Enough of the crappy “whoa is me” garbage.  I’m done with that shit.  Thankfully, I WAS able to make it through our game on Thursday night.  I’ve been treading water for 10 days, but now I’m getting my head back in the game 🙂  Good thing, cause after 6:00pm today….  I’M ON VACATION!!!  Not going anywhere specific, but not driving to work every day either.  Get ready for some pretty regular random rants :p

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Comments on: "treading water" (4)

  1. I am a personal trainer and I have done much research on different diets. Most don’t work. The Paleo diet is probably the best one that I have seen. It doesn’t leave you without your needed nutrients and it’s something that you can do long term. I’m glad to see someone having such great success with it.

    On another note…society has made it nearly impossible for anyone to be completely happy with the way they look. I have clients who look at a picture and say “I wish I looked like that again” but when asked how they felt about themselves during the time of the photograph, they say they were not happy with the way they looked during that time period either. The best way to have success with it is to remember that each time you work out you are becoming more healthy, and will lead a longer more fulfilling life.

    Keep up the good work and keep sharing your experiences because you really can make a positive difference in peoples lives!

  2. Great inspirational story. I’ve always been fairly thin and physically fit but never as thin as since I’ve started the Paleo diet as well. Was Terry Wahls your inspiration? I had never heard of cave man diets until seeing her video. I too got a tad too skinny accordimg to my mother and axupunturist…such a problem right? I added an occasional gluten free (though not grain free) treat of quinoa/corn pasta and brown rice/almond chips and have satisfied my mother by gaining an apparently important 2-3 pounds…hope you see my sarcasm. I used to have a Pilates personal trainer and am considering using my acupuncture money towards a trainer again. Best wishes!

    • Comments like this are the reason I blog 🙂 it’s wonderful to know there are others out there in a similar situation… Terry Wahls was the push to get the ball rolling for me as well! Lots of research followed, but seeing her video inspired me to look at food as an option for helping myself. All the best to you as well!

  3. Great story, enjoyed reading this!

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