one day it'll all make sense.

oh yes I can

I think my mind is so exhausted post-1.4.5 that it isn’t all that interested in formulating an opinion on that little treat of a WOD.  Or maybe it’s payback for the mental warfare I went through during the 21 thrusters.  Yesterday, after opting out of my option to tackle 14.5 on Friday with the rest of the troops, I headed to the box to complete what I had committed to.  84 thrusters and 84 burpees all by myself.  This was an ugly little wrap up to the Open, but a good challenge for everyone involved because of the mental test it provided.  I won’t say I enjoyed it.  I really didn’t!  However I would do it again.  Coach Sharon dealt me the question the day before “see how you feel and really try to figure out WHY you want to do it and if it’s worth it”.  I put some serious thought into this and came to the conclusion that I wanted to prove the doubt in my own mind wrong.  I wanted to prove that I could overcome the thoughts of “you can’t!” or “you’re not good enough”.  But I also know well enough that injury comes first and I am working at listening to my body.  That’s a whole different kind of “you can’t”.  So I went in to Monday with the moto “Either way, no regrets.”

Here’s a new approach.  A deconstruction of the mental process in relation to 14.5.  Just consider we’re taking a look into my messed up mental process here :p  It may be ugly.  The profanity will be kept to a minimum for posting purposes, but I assure you that while I’m the kind of person who rarely swears out loud, in my head I can be considerably less censored.

Thurs March 27 – before the WOD was announced:

“please, please, PLEASE don’t let it be super hip-invloved!  Mine is broken.  Please let it be a WOD I can do!”

Thurs March 27 – after the WOD was announced:

“damn it.  Maybe I can still do it – no you can’t you idiot.  Your hip is broken.”

Friday March 28 – regular Open WOD time:

“this sucks.  Is this even doable this regardless.”

Friday March 28 – after watching a few fellow CFD members get killed by 14.5:

“OMG!!  WANT TO DO IT!!”

Saturday March 29

“You’ll be good to go by Monday 🙂  You got this!  You can pace yourself through the burpees and 65lb thrusters are doable.”

Sunday March 30

“ok… you’ve had too much time to think now.  What if you CAN’T do it?  No one at my box recorded a “did not finish”.  What if you are the first?  Spinning makes you dizzy.  You hate thrusters.  Burpees suck.  Maybe you should just stay home…”

Monday March 31

“if you just don’t go, maybe no one will notice.  What if you make a total fool of myself somehow?  You would be the first one to trip and land on your face jumping over the bar.  What if you can’t do a 65lb thruster? – shut up.  Go to the box.  The rest will just happen.”

Monday March 31 – WOD time

3, 2, 1 – GO!!

thrusters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

“ok.  You can DO this!”

drop the bar

“oh wow.  maybe not!  What the hell were you thinking??  How many more are there?  Like 100?  Feels like 100.  You should have warmed up better.”

7, 8, 9, 10

“Did you drink enough water?  Why does the bar feel so heavy now?”

11, 12, 13

“so much for the plan!  what happened to 7, 7, 7?  you know what happened!  you suck.  should have stayed at work.”

….

20, 21

“it’s a friggin miracle!  Never have burpees been so welcome!  Ok, sticking to the plan here.  Pacing the burpees.”

16, 17, 18

Coach Jenna – “just a few more McDowell!”

“shit no!!!  Then it’s back to more ‘effin thrusters!  Pace the last few even more…”

1, 2, 3

“well, you’ve really thrown all planning out the window haven’t you?  3 reps at a time?  Poor Jenna.  We’ll be here all day”

Coach Jenna – “just breathe McDowell!  and pick up the bar!”

“OK.  She’s RIGHT.  There’s no turning back now.  Brain – SHUT UP!!!  Body – whatever you DO, don’t you DARE STOP!!”

4, 5, 6

but – auto pilot, please take over. – OK”

DONE!  22:23 😀  I didn’t trip over the bar.  I only had to drop the bar once when I couldn’t get it locked up overhead.  I can promise you I was opening my hips cause I’m feeling it today.  I fought through a few moments of crazy dizziness.  Best part – I didn’t GIVE UP!  I win 😀

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Comments on: "oh yes I can" (3)

  1. good for you for doing it!!

  2. AWESOME job!!! You had a lot fewer profanities in your internal conversation than I did! LOL

    • oh they were there 😉 but had I inserted into my post I either would have been banned from wordpress, or there would have been a whole lot of “pick up the *%@# BAR!!”

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