one day it'll all make sense.

finding balance

#makeothersbetter is just all around awesome.  Helping someone else makes their life better, and feels fantastic too.  Well, what about when it starts interfering with your life?  My mission to do something to help improve the life of someone else is Yuko.  Raising a puppy involves a HUGE commitment of time, energy, patience and love.  The first 3 have been easy.  I had the time and energy and was ready for a new challenge.  The patience has been a great opportunity to learn to forgive the little accidents and celebrate the little victories.  Love was a challenge, and I think still is.  My heart has not been ready for the vulnerability that comes with loving someone or something for a few years but Yuko is teaching me that it’s ok to love something so long as you remember you’re on borrowed time.  His recall will be super hard, I don’t have any question of that, but I’m already trying to paint a picture in my mind of what a wonderful aid this little man will be for someone who really needs him.

Any-who, that’s my #makeothersbetter mission.  I have no regrets and no desire to go back on my choices.  So what’s the problem?  Is it possible to love two things at the same time without conflict between them?  I’m going through a battle in my mind this week cause there are new stress factors at crossfit in regards to Yuko.  A new dog policy was introduced a few weeks ago, which I totally understand the intention behind in terms of keeping everyone safe and setting some standards for all dogs that visit the box.  I’ve always tried to be courteous and considerate of others when it comes to my dog, and with the new rules I’ve been compliant in every way.  The only issue I’m running in to is sometimes near the end of a WOD Yuko gets bored and barks a bit.  Just a little though… he’s been pretty accepting of his new limitations otherwise.  But sometimes I wonder if it’s stressing me out more than I need right now.  Running my store during the second busiest time of the year with a minimal management team is enough to keep my plate full.  I made the first schedule error I’ve made in 10 years last Friday and scheduled both Ryan and myself to close.  Got a text at 10:05 asking if a key holder was coming in to open the doors!!  Oops!!  I can’t believe I’m even saying this, but I’ve found myself considering putting my crossfit membership on hold for a few months.  I mean, I’m not suggesting I would just stop exercising, cause I’d totally lose my marbles, but since Yuko and I have started running together I’m sure there’s other ways to hold onto my sanity…

Another mind fawk right now – I’ve been seeing the osteopath for the nerve pain in my leg.  The first time I saw her, I got a little bit excited when she said “I can help you.” very matter-of-fact.  It’s been such a long time since anyone has said that, how could I not?!  But recently she threw me off guard a bit.  I mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion, after all that’s really all my blog IS – my opinion, but the almost mocking tone which she presented it stung a bit.  Basically put, she doesn’t really believe MS is a real thing.  The joking use of air quotes when she mentions “lesions” or “diagnosis” I’m still unsure how to process.  I mean, in one sense if she’s right and my issues can be fixed, then great!  But I’ve lived more than 10 years with a long list of doctors telling me my annual MRI’s and a whole laundry list of other tests have told me that this sh*t is real.  I don’t know what to think.

So with 1,000 things swirling around in my head what do I do?  I run…


Comments on: "finding balance" (1)

  1. Well, that last paragraph stopped me in my tracks and had me saying to my computer “whoa, whoa, whoa, I did NOT just read that”. I hope she can help if you continue to see her but please don’t let her invalidate you or your diagnosis my awesome friend!

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