one day it'll all make sense.

Roll the dice

So the whole Wahls Protocol thing is still a series of trial and error events as I try to figure out what works for me and my effed up body. I was using my other blog as my diary in that process, but then I remembered that I shared that one with my dad when he was starting his own blog while going through chemo a few years ago. That takes all of the ambiguity out of it and makes me sensor everything I post. Defeats the purpose cause the journey isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.  This week has felt like a looooong one, and it’s only Thursday 😳. Sunday I decided that this was going to be the week I cut out the coconut from my diet (cause A: why not and B: it’s one of the things I added when I started Wahls and started putting weight on) AND I’m cutting back on the number of WODs I do in a week. Still going to the box, just lifting instead of jacking my heart rate in a metcon.  I know it’s not ideal to make multiple changes at once when you are trying to determine what works and what doesn’t, but they serve kinda different purposes. The coconut is just purely cause I’m tired of gaining weight, while the lower intensity exercise is intended to test the whole “adrenal fatigue” theory. Yes I know that might also help avoid the weight issue which I’m obviously hoping for. I really had to come to terms with which was harder to live with in a mental-health kinda way… less of the thing I totally LOVE (crossfit) or being uncomfortable in my own skin 24/7.  Thankfully there are other things I love…

Feel free to check out now… work talk is boring but I need to write stuff down to process it in my own mind sometimes.

If I could win the lottery I could avoid the work stress. I’m between a rock and a hard place at the moment a bit cause there’s a job opportunity I really want to give a go at, but after being led to believe it was a full time thing we’ve determined it’s only part time for now. Plus… I really would like to go back to school for a few courses before giving it a go.  My options are:

  1. Talk to Sport Chek about stepping down to part time, giving up my health benefits and potential for a year end bonus, to work both jobs part time for now.
  2. Stay full time at Chek and hope that Brim is able to generate enough capital (without the help which I really feel it needs) to be able to support bringing me on full time in a few months.
  3. Walk away from the whole Brim situation that could be hugely beneficial in the long run for my whole family.

I’ve been tossing it around in my head like crazy and still don’t know what to do. I’m lucky that I have an incredibly supportive girlfriend who told me to go with my gut. I’ve gone through feelings of anger and disappointment in being pushed so hard to consider this for 3 months now only to learn it’s not what I was led to believe, but I’ve also seen the look on my dad’s face that told me everything I needed to know. He really does want to make this work. He believes it can and really needs some help to make it happen. He wants to have something to leave to my sisters and I and wants the ability to retire at some point with someone he trusts to pass the business along to. We had a discussion last week where I fought back tears cause he kept saying “no matter what, I don’t want this to ever cause issues between us”. I was still in the angry stage at that point cause I wanted to yell back “you don’t think it has already?! You sold me HARD on something you don’t have to sell!!!” But I bit my tongue. I do that a lot. Anyways, we left it as “I’m going to need some time to think” and that’s where I still find myself a week later. Sport Chek has been crazy with inventory and then the 500 online orders I put out this week and I haven’t really had a lot of time with my thoughts… but I’m leaning towards giving it a shot. I think I can do Mon-Wed-Fri at Chek and Tues-Thurs at Brim. I want to go back to school, which hopefully I can do part time as well. Mohawk college offers Fluid Power but I think it’s a full semester or possibly even 2 😳 (See!? Another reason for even a smaller lottery win so I can go to school). I want to make this work. Since leaving Henry’s Chek has been good to me, but it was never meant to be a long term solution and maybe this is what I’ve been looking for.  I feel I need to at least try 🙂

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