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Roll the dice

So the whole Wahls Protocol thing is still a series of trial and error events as I try to figure out what works for me and my effed up body. I was using my other blog as my diary in that process, but then I remembered that I shared that one with my dad when he was starting his own blog while going through chemo a few years ago. That takes all of the ambiguity out of it and makes me sensor everything I post. Defeats the purpose cause the journey isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. ¬†This week has felt like a looooong one, and it’s only Thursday ūüė≥. Sunday I decided that this was going to be the week I cut out the coconut from my diet (cause A: why not and B: it’s one of the things I added¬†when I started Wahls and started putting weight on) AND I’m cutting back on the number of WODs I do in a week. Still going to the box, just lifting instead of jacking my heart rate in a metcon. ¬†I know it’s not ideal to make multiple changes at once when you are trying to determine what works and what doesn’t, but they serve kinda different purposes. The coconut is just purely cause I’m tired of gaining weight, while the lower intensity exercise is intended to test the whole “adrenal fatigue” theory. Yes I know that might also help avoid the weight issue which I’m obviously hoping for. I really had to come to terms with which was harder to live with in a mental-health kinda way… less of the thing I totally LOVE (crossfit) or being uncomfortable in my own skin 24/7. ¬†Thankfully there are other things I love…

Feel free to check out now… work talk is boring but I need to write stuff down to process it in my own mind sometimes.

If I could win the lottery I could avoid the work stress. I’m between a rock and a hard place at the moment a bit cause there’s a job opportunity I really want to give a go at, but after being led to believe it was a full time thing we’ve determined it’s only part time for now. Plus… I really would like to go back to school for a few courses before giving it a go. ¬†My options are:

  1. Talk to Sport Chek about stepping down to part time, giving up my health benefits and potential for a year end bonus, to work both jobs part time for now.
  2. Stay full time at Chek and hope that Brim is able to generate enough capital (without the help which I really feel it needs) to be able to support bringing me on full time in a few months.
  3. Walk away from the whole Brim situation that could be hugely beneficial in the long run for my whole family.

I’ve been tossing it around in my head like crazy and still don’t know what to do. I’m lucky that I have an incredibly supportive girlfriend who told me to go with my gut. I’ve gone through feelings of anger and disappointment in being pushed so hard to consider this for 3 months now only to learn it’s not what I was led to believe, but I’ve also seen the look on my dad’s face that told me everything I needed to know. He really does want to make this work. He believes it can and really needs some help to make it happen. He wants to have something to leave to my sisters and I and wants the ability to retire at some point with someone he trusts to pass the business along to. We had a discussion last week where I fought back tears cause he kept saying “no matter what, I don’t want this to ever cause issues between us”. I was still in the angry stage at that point cause I wanted to yell back “you don’t think it has already?! You sold me HARD on something you don’t have to sell!!!” But I bit my tongue. I do that a lot. Anyways, we left it as “I’m going to need some time to think” and that’s where I still find myself a week later. Sport Chek has been crazy with inventory and then the 500 online orders I put out this week and I haven’t really had a lot of time with my thoughts… but I’m leaning towards giving it a shot. I think I can do Mon-Wed-Fri at Chek and Tues-Thurs at Brim. I want to go back to school, which hopefully I can do part time as well. Mohawk college offers Fluid Power but I think it’s a full semester or possibly even 2 ūüė≥ (See!? Another reason for even a smaller lottery win so I can go to school). I want to make this work. Since leaving Henry’s Chek has been good to me, but it was never meant to be a long term solution and maybe this is what I’ve been looking for. ¬†I feel I need to at least try ūüôā

Keep up or get out

As a kid, I thought zucchini was a huge mistake.¬† Who would want to eat a cucumber that’s missing all the juicy goodness?¬† Now… it’s one of my favourite veggies.¬† Funny how opinions change over time…¬† I’m dying to compose some big long random masterpiece, but things just keep getting in my way! :p¬† Kinda like the cold dinner I just finally managed to pause for a second to eat after three failed attempts that were interrupted¬†by a staff member needing something, a customer needing something, or the phone…¬† Not really complaining though!¬† I’ll take a busy day at work any day!¬† AND…¬† spaghetti squash really isn’t so bad moderately warm ūüėȬ† Tomorrow there will be lots more to say…

happy friday

Boo-ya!¬† For whatever reason, I’m in one of those fully energized and super-happy kinda moods today.¬† ūüôā¬† I do work in retail though, so that could¬†be tough to maintain¬†:-p¬† Already thinking about my options of a lower body assassination or a cardio party which I can look forward to for this evening.

Yesterday was a poorly planned day, that actually turned out to be rather well executed.¬† Went to the gym in the morning to bust through a crossfit routine I wanted to try…¬† 7 sets of 3 reps of thrusters with a 60lb bar.¬† It felt great!¬† I definitely felt as though the weight should be heavier, but I don’t like to lift too heavy when working out by my self.¬† Since I apparently felt as though the trusters were not enough of a challenge, I also added 4 sets of 5 reps lat pull downs at 75lbs, 90lbs, 105lbs, 90lbs and 3 sets of bicep curls, bench dips, lateral shoulder raises and front shoulder raises.¬† Overall, a great workout and my upper body was spent!¬†

Where the poor planning came into play was my next task for the day…¬† I realized when I got to Walmart the 30lb box of shitty-kitty (cat litter) would not be an enjoyable job for my tired arms :-p¬† Haha, oops.

mmmm… food…

Thanks to the wonders of google, I’ve¬†discovered many recipes that fit perfectly into the Primal/Paleo life…¬† Where I used to enjoy my morning bowl of oatmeal with blueberries and flax seed, I’ve now replaced it with a delicious sweet potato mashed with cinnamon, flax seed and a few raisins.¬† Tastes and smells like warm pumpkin pie!¬†

 

Gotta add a kick-ass pizza recipe I borrowed from http://sleepeatgymrepeat.com/2011/09/23/cauliflower-crust-pizza/¬†which was incredibly awesome….

AND – I’m now up to 4 chin ups consecutively ūüôā¬† To the gym tonight with my chick for a homemade¬† lower body type workout.¬† May post details later.¬† Also may post pizza pic which I was less than successful getting up so far…

a new twist to the game

So I think it’s time to change things up a little.¬† My initial¬†intention here was to create a series of thoughts and shared experiences relating to life with MS.¬† While I intend to continue with post about this stuff, I’m also going to start using this blog to share details of other passions I pick up along the way…

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been trying out the Primal Blueprint lifestyle and I have to say, I’m¬†LOVING the results.¬† My energy levels are higher than they have been in ages, and far more consistent.¬† I’m generally¬†enjoying the feeling of being “satisfied” for the most of the day, rather than constantly hunger.¬† Note- I say generally¬†cause today I happen to be rather hungry :-p¬† “Giving up” the grains in my diet was not nearly the hardship I expected it would be.¬† I have discovered an endless resource of awesome recipes online which support the Primal/Paleo¬†concepts, which have all been delicious!¬† Although it was not my intention, as it may be for some, I dropped about 5lbs¬†in the first week, and at the same time have noticed my strength has improved.¬† My goal is to improve my quality of life.¬† I would love¬†to find¬† a way to improve my energy levels and¬†discover a balance by putting in the right nutrition to get the best out.

Secondly… still loving the Crossfit concept!¬† Still building my own versions of the workout of the day, but setting good “SMART” fitness goals for myself and working hard to achieve them.¬† Current goal for the month of April is to be able to complete 5 chin ups consecutively.¬† Thanks to my chin up bar at work, I should be able to make this happen ūüėȬ† At the start of my challenge could grunt my way through 3…

Happiness is…

I haven’t posted anything in a little while, but in my mind that is never a bad thing.¬† When things are not going well, I write a lot.¬† When life is good, I write very little.¬† Just a quick follow-up on my little theory… since putting the brakes on my latest prescription, Alesse, things have slowly returned back almost to normal.¬† You really do take your basic senses for granted until one is taken away…¬† While I can’t imagine losing my sight or hearing, losing my ability to taste really wasn’t much fun either.¬† I am SO grateful to be able to enjoy food again ūüôā¬† I will say though, I’ve learned a very important lesson from this whole situation.¬† Never will I ignore what my body is telling me.¬† While a doctor can take a quick glance at your chart and dismiss your complaints,¬†only you can tell when something doesn’t feel right.¬† I understand that MS is a complicated disease, with many unanswered challenges, but I’m not willing to accept that any and every symptom I present should be brushed off and blamed on it.¬† Enough bitching though.¬† I am¬†feeling soooo much better than I was, and really in a great frame of mind ūüôā¬† The weather has certainly helped with my happiness too.¬† It’s been so much like summer this week and I’ve been grateful for every second of it.¬† Being only March, and Canada, I’m sure it won’t stick around for too long…

More appointments on the horizon.¬† Somehow most MRI appointments I get seem to be at really strange times too.¬† Tomorrow I’ll be heading in to Brampton Civic for a 10:15pm scan ūüėģ¬† That’s already past my bedtime by the time the test is¬†scheduled to begin!¬† Haha.¬† Good thing I tend to sleep through these things anyway, and as long as I’m sure to make sure Ange has a coffee all should be fine.

follow up – my little experiment

A week since I stopped taking the new prescription and life has somewhat returned to normal ūüôā¬† I’m sleeping much better, have my usual energy levels back and my ability to enjoy food even seems to be creeping its way back into my life.¬† Still dropping weight, but I’m sure that will correct itself soon as well.¬† Couldn’t be happier ūüôā¬† Will be¬†monitoring things for the next week or two with hopes that no further challenges will pop up.

Only concern now is, the new meds that I started weren’t just started¬†for¬†the heck of it.¬† Back¬†for an MRI¬†next week and a follow-up appointment with my specialist¬†early in May.¬†¬†While I’m sure he won’t be happy to hear that I backed out of his drug regiment, I’m also not really all that excited to try whatever else he comes up with…¬†¬†C’est la vie I guess.¬† At least I will know from now on to make sure to ask the question about drug interactions and not accept¬†anything¬†the “it may be just your MS” crap.

testing a theory…

Ok, let’s back-track a little here, if I may… ¬†February 21st I headed to Emerg complaining of¬†sudden numbness of the right side of my face, head and arm as well as mild weakness and poor coordination on the same side. ¬†I also mentioned my¬†loss of taste sensation and extreme fatigue. ¬†I shared with the ER doctor the list of medications I take regularly, as well as my medical history. ¬†Once the MS label was slapped on, no further investigation followed. ¬†Steroids were prescribed, which I declined at the time. ¬†

By February 23rd I was feeling even worse. ¬†Went to my GP and went through the same break down of the problems I was having. ¬†Also mentioned that I had started a new drug on February 19th, and inquired as to whether or not that may be causing the symptoms. ¬†Same result. ¬†Sounds like it could be MS. ¬†Seeing as my GP has known me since I was born… I went with his advice and filled the steroid script. ¬†Side note – while some people cope well with the treatment, I go through hell. ¬†:-p

SO… I toughed it out through the 12 days of steroids. ¬†Dealt with the lack of sleep and fight to keep my eyes open driving to and from work. ¬†(I know that sounds strange, but it’s just how I roll!) ¬†Yet after it all, I have found really no relief. ¬†On March 8th, I decided to exercise the powers of google and do some research. ¬†When I googled the side effects associated with my new medication, guess what I found?! ¬†Many of the problems I was running in to were listed as possible side effects for the drug! ¬†ALSO, the¬†long list of drugs which can interact negatively with this drug included Prednisone and Modafinyl. ¬†While the Prednisone was newly prescribed as well, I’ve been taking Modafinyl all along. ¬†

Long story short- to test my little theory, I have stopped taking the new prescription to see if things revert themselves back to normal. ¬†This is maybe not the best case scenario, but it’s just a little experiment until my upcoming appointment with my specialist. ¬†After just a few days, my energy level has improved quite a bit and I¬†think my sense of taste has improved slightly as well. ¬†IF my theory is correct, once again I find myself facing the frustration which comes along with doctors blaming every situation I find myself in as a possible new MS symptom. ¬†Yet again I will beg the question: “why can’t we first treat it as though it’s not?”

random details

My memory sucks.¬† And I’m only 29.¬† I’ve become diligent over the last year to adopt the habit of creating myself lists for EVERYTHING.¬† Problem is, I forget so quickly sometimes that I grab a pen to add something to my list and have already forgotten what it was.¬† It’s frustrating, but all I can do is laugh about it ūüôā Well, and hope like hell the thought comes back to me at some point!

So, I’ve decided that creating posts on a tablet, instead of an actual computer, is not wise if you have a lot to say.¬† I haven’t posted a few times in which I have intended to recently because I type like crazy, but when I hit “publish” my tablet and I just sit there and stare at each other until I give up!¬† This time I’m putting down the effort in front of a computer, with hopes that I will have more success.

Last random dribble for now… Today is day two free from my long list of prescription pill-popping.¬† Have to say, I don’t feel even the slightest improvement in sense of taste or touch.¬† Still disgusted by even the smell of coffee.¬† My favorite foods and I are still taking a break from each other, as the incredible change in how they taste now and how I remember them is so drastic I can’t ignore it.¬† While two nights ago I actually managed¬†to recover 9 hours worth of much-needed sleep, this morning I was WIDE awake at 4:00 again.¬† Maybe I just need to accept it, and alter my daily routine to fit this new “habit”?¬† Have a feeling this idea will be a tough sell with my girl though…¬† She’s more the stay up late, sleep late type ūüôā

Bright note – yesterday felt like SPRING and I LOVED IT!!!

reflection

Yesterday was not one of my best. ¬†The lack of sleep I’ve been getting over the last 10 nights was really starting to wear me down. ¬†As per usual since starting this round of treatment, I was WIDE awake at 4 am. ¬†Wide awake, staring at my bedroom ceiling in the dark while my mind was racing 1000 miles a minute thinking of all the things I could be doing. ¬†I’ve learned that I can’t will myself back to sleep, so I got up. ¬†By the time I had to leave home to drive to work, I was crashing already! ¬†Literally had to smack myself on the way to keep my eyes open. ¬†Just to make matters more complicated, yesterday was a gift certificate event at my store which left me standing out in the cold controlling traffic for the first hour of my shift. ¬†And I don’t do cold. ¬†:-p ¬†Although I was really not feeling well, I toughed it out until 4:00, when I finally had to go home. ¬†I was tired, anxious and annoyed easily. ¬†Really didn’t want to snap on one of my staff, or a customer!

Anyways… that was just a little back info on where this part I’m about to share began. ¬†While my drive to and from work every day is a long one, it’s also a time I use to think. ¬†This can be dangerous at times, and some of my oh-so-brilliant ideas I would never share with anyone, but it can also be great. ¬†Yesterday, during a time when my mind was over whelmed by everything it has been going through trying to maintain my composure through a tough run, I took the time to reflect. ¬†When I was growing up, going through the typical challenges of being a teenage girl, my solid ground and best friend was my horse. ¬†Fritz was a horse like no other for me. ¬†We understood each other. ¬†While he would jump the moon for me if I asked him to, he would also remind me he had expectations too. ¬†He taught me patience, confidence and a good work ethic. ¬†He was a very talented beast with a huge heart, but he wasn’t against refusing a jump or breaking stride if I wasn’t giving him the respect he deserved. ¬†When my days with Fritz came to an end, it didn’t take me long to realize the special partnership we had formed was not one that I would easily recreate. ¬†To this day, I have never found another Fritz, and am not sure I ever will.

While I had a very successful competition record with Fritz, it was the small things I will never forget. ¬†While going through my moment of self pity yesterday on my drive home, I longed for just one of the long summer afternoons where I would head out to visit Fritz in the pasture. ¬†I thought of climbing up to drape myself across his warm back while he grazed. ¬†Burying my face in his soft coat, and soaking in a bit of his strength and calmness. ¬†While my life has changed drastically since those long childhood days surrounded by horses, the memories are something I will always hold close for the times when I need them the most. ¬†One day I may have the chance to involve those special animals in my life again…

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