one day it'll all make sense.

Posts tagged ‘relapse’

Chaotic

This post could be a chaotic one… just saying.  I’ve got a bunch of thoughts swimming around in my head and I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to put them all down quite yet. 🙂

Tomorrow a good-sized group from CFC are starting the Whole Life Challenge.  I considered it, but A: I’ve already done it.  Twice.  B: I can think of better ways to spend money right now.  C: Although I did seriously consider it, I just couldn’t see how it would create enough of an impact to make a difference.  I eat clean.  Other than the once a month pizza night cheat meal, I’d have to give up gum and spend more $$ on clean bacon.  Just not enough of a difference to make a difference.  Anywho… I’ve decided to give up nut butter for the duration of the challenge instead.  Cause as always, I’m not happy with my body and want to find whatever is making me carry around extra fat.  I mean, I have abs!  I can see them sometimes… like when I move or whatever.  But I want to just see them.  So maybe no nut butter will help.

I’m dealing with an MS relapse this week.  Not a bad one, but still not fun and in a totally new environment makes it challenging.  My Henry’s crew new me.  They new what was normal and how to help when things were rough.  So did my CFD crew.  This is a new experience with Amanda too and I’m really doing my best to communicate things with her and help her understand.  I know how it feels to be on the other side of things too where you just want to help but you have no idea how.  I read a post yesterday (while sitting on my butt with a warm Magic Bag draped over my legs) that described very well the communication challenges.  I shared the post with Amanda cause it seemed easier than trying to interpret my own version.  The author refers to MS as her sidekick.  It’s something that has an invisible but constant impact on your physical well-being and state of mind.  Yet no matter how long you’ve been living with this sidekick, it can still be quite challenging to decide how much to keep to yourself.  It’s also challenging cause when things are my normal I have no need to share anything, but when something comes up I mentally often don’t have the space in my mind to also take into consideration how to explain what I’m dealing with.  My mind is occupied with “Just get through this.  It will pass.”  I mentioned to Amanda yesterday, it’s a battle in my mind cause there can be a fine line between I don’t want you to feel like I’m shutting you out and I don’t want to get to the point where it’s like a broken record.  This week os thankfully not too bad.  I can still crossfit (although not quite at my usual intensity but it’s something!).  Coach Jason approached me after the WOD on Tuesday where I had scaled to a 75lb bar when I really wanted to try at least 95 and commented “is that YOUR bar?! You could have done heavier! 😉 ” Oh, trust me… it’s a tough enough mental battle to convince myself to be smart.  I did call in sick to work yesterday, which is hugely odd for me, but the pain in my legs has been pretty intense.  Ever had frostbite?  Know how it feels when your frozen bits start to warm up again?  Well, that painful burning sensation has moved in from just above my knees to my toes and doesn’t seem to want to leave quite yet.  Anyways, if it interests you here’s the post I read:

https://www.msconnection.org/Blog/October-2016/An-Inconvenient-Sidekick#

I had my weekly dose of puppy therapy on Wednesday 🙂  Pluto came to work with me and kept me smiling.  He’s actually the only reason I didn’t call in sick Wednesday too, but look at this kid?  How could I pass up the chance to chill with him?

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Amanda and I are starting a little side project together.  I’ve been hired to shoot at CFC (like, NOT for free!) and  my awesome girl wants to join the fun too!  When we shoot together I figured it wasn’t right to just put my signature on the photos so yesterday we came up with a name and logo 🙂  With the Open right around the corner, we’ll have plenty of opportunity to shoot too!

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a better tomorrow

So that’s what keeps me smiling… I will feel better tomorrow. While the progress has been slow or seemingly non-existent, I will keep smiling. It’s been 9 days now since I noticed the numbness inside my mouth and lack of sense of taste. While I will say, things don’t taste quite as AWFUL, they still certainly don’t taste great. Don’t know if I’m just adapting, or actually getting better though. Today is also day 5 since I started the prescribed regiment of Prednisone to combat my symptoms. The stuff is wicked. Turns me into such a bitch. Also causes water/sodium retention, so I’m feeling a bit like the Pilsbury dough boy and thirsty all the time. After two days on the Prednisone, this fitness nut was ready to toss the scale off my 5th floor balcony. I don’t deal well with seeing the pounds adding on! I decided the best solution was to not step on until this is all over. 🙂
Another challenge with the meds is I went from sleeping 9-11 hours a night, to barely able to sleep at all. I’m exhausted, but wired. It’s frustrating…
BUT…. I WILL FEEL BETTER TOMORROW

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MSnubutterflies

My Walk..........Living With MS

Multiple Sclerosis And Beyond

Bill Walker: msandbeyond@gmail.com

How I live with MS

This is how I live with Multiple Sclerosis

Accessibility Matters

Carpe Diem - Veni Vidi Vici

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I Train Therefore I Eat.

Nutrition, Strength Training, and joie de vivre

Nick Momrik's CrossFit Training

Experiences with the Sport of Fitness

Mountain Maven

My outdoor adventures in the Last Frontier

sassyfitlatina.wordpress.com/

Sassiness is a lifestyle.

Imperfect Reason

Perfect nonsense from an unreasonable world

Lady with MS

A record of life with Multiple Sclerosis

Whole Living

Embracing MS with God, greens and garland pose

makeitgreenbabe

life, issues, pursuit of happines, my stories

I am a Girl and I lift HEAVY!

My weightlifting diary

Great Food - Health, Happiness and Freedom...Nxo

Recipes to get you there: Health and happiness because you deserve it, freedom because with the first two we achieve the freedom to live our life to the fullest.